I’m losing my hair! Actually I’ve pretty much lost it. In about 2 weeks my hair has thinned to the point that I went wig shopping today. I agonised about whether to choose the wig option or just wear scarves etc. It was a really hard decision as wigs can be hot and uncomfortable but at least the average person that I would meet, would have no idea. Scarves on the other hand let everyone know that ’something’ is wrong with your hair. I just don’t want people’s pity. Also as a dear friend says..’looking gorgeous is not always about comfort!’…so I’m trying to embrace this new chance I have for life and a wig it is.
The shopping experience nearly didn’t happen as I had promised a friend that I would help her with some stuff at home but when I got there we talked and realised that if we jumped in the car right then and drove an hour or so we would just get there before they closed.
It was hysterical! We tried on all sorts of wigs, mostly ones that I would never actually wear, but sooo much fun anyway. I chose one which is a lot like me, or at least anyone who has seen it thinks so. It’s clearly not my hair to those people who see have seen me over the past few weeks but others wouldn’t know.
Now I’m thinking, perhaps I should get a couple for fun! It’s a shame they’re a bit pricey.
This week I have tried to allow myself to relax into life as it is now. Of course when you have been forced to face life’s fragility and the impact of such, relaxing can be a little difficult! However it’s amazing how scary and wonderful a new outlook can be, all at the same time. A friend shared this poem by Robert Frost recently and it struck me as such a peaceful way to think about life. I’m enjoying the liberating feeling that comes from reaching a point of choices rather then barriers. So I’m enjoying the moments as they arise and looking forward to many tomorrows. Have a quiet moment on me and enjoy.
‘The Road Not Taken’ by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
From The Poetry of Robert Frost by Robert Frost.
Today a friend and I (actually more her than me) tackled my slightly outdated wardrobe and so tonight I have colour coded clothes and that great feeling that comes from everything hanging beautifully. I say that this feat was more her than me as the afternoon consisted of me taking all the clothes out of my wardrobe and trying them on for approval by her and my aunt. It was hysterical. I haven’t laughed so hard for a long while. The two of them were languishing on the bed making either approving noises or pulling faces which meant that whatever item of clothes I had on to be hung in the wardrobe or in the pile to be sent to the secondhand shop.
Since the experience of cancer, I’ve realised that life is waaaaay too short and so I’m working on embracing each day. I think, that for a little while now and particularly since becoming a mum, I’ve forgotten that I’m a girl. It’s been so easy to dress in clothes that don’t make me feel good and are not really flattering. The feminine side of my life had got a little waylaid. I realised that I should be embracing who I am and celebrating the fact that LIFE IS GOOD! Of course, working on losing a few kgs always helps.
The wardrobe and I needed true girlfriend-type brutal honesty. It was slightly scary to begin with but was such a liberating experience and now I am looking forward to shopping for some new ones to add to the ones that are left which really suit me.
It’s a great feeling!
Yesterday was a great day as I got to go into work for a couple of hours. It was soooo nice to do something ‘normal’ for a few hours. I have always loved what I do but since the interruption of being unwell it has become obvious to me that work gives me energy for the rest of my life.
I’m feeling so much better as each day passes and it’s great. I have an appointment with the oncologist on Friday and then the surgeon in a week or two. It’s funny how these visits signal ‘getting on with life’.
Well… it’s just nice to be given a new opportunity in life. Now that I feel a bit better I get to enjoy spending time with my husband and daughter.
My Aunt, from Queensland, is also staying with us and it’s lovely to spend time with her. (She came to stay when I was really unwell and is sooo welcome…..Thanks Daph)
Our new house is probably about5 or 6 weeks away and we can’t wait. Although we are very grateful for the house that we are currently renting, it’s been a squeeze and Miss S will just love the extra room, particularly outside. Her sandpit is a favourite at the moment.
Have a great day!
Well it’s Sunday night and it’s a week since I stopped Interferon. I feel great. I still have some side effects but they are so much more manageable. I’m only having the occasional paracetamol which is a big difference from all the meds I was taking and only then just surviving.
I’m so excited to have my life back and I’m really feeling that I’m in control again. I want to stay in this position of making decisions when I can make good choices.
I’m concentrating on ‘normal’ right now. I have done a couple of hours work and have just loved it. I have a particular friend who have been a huge help in nudging me to work through the stuff that is life, past the hiccup that is cancer. Thank you - you know who you are!
I’m embracing this time and have a fresh approach. Back when I found the lump, I blogged that it was like the world had changed colour….it’s like that now, but better!
Well I had anticipated that 2008 would be a blur……but now I have a new start! There’s a crispness to my outlook that I’m loving. I’m really trying to let myself off the hook and to take my time about life.
Have a great day!
On Monday my oncologists decided to stop the Interferon. I had spent the weekend agonising about it knowing that it was coming. I had to be sure that I could live with the decision.
I have had constant diarrhoea since last Wednesday and was sleeping about 15 hours a day and barely existing.
I was unable to eat properly and therefore unable to take my vitamin supplements which wasn’t helping my body either.
In the end it turned out that new studies appear to be showing that the first four weeks as the most beneficial and with the overall % increase in survival rate of 3% over 15 years it was a matter of weighing up the pros and cons. I looked at the decision and came to the conclusion that if the worse case scenario happened (ie the cancer came back soon) I would be feel that I wasted time with Sophie.
Anecdotally some people get a reoccurance even while taking Interferon so there are no guarantees. I kinda didn’t realise how bad things were getting as I was trying to keep going. My aunt who came again to help out was getting really worried as I was getting more physically depressed each day.
So as of today I feel okay. I am still heady but it’s not thumping like it was and my tummy is slowly settling. My oncologists arranged for me to see the gastroenterologist on Monday to see if she wanted to do a scope after the diarrhoea but thankfully she was happy to wait as I was stopping the injections.
My plan from now is to be as healthy as possible. I’m taking some supplements from the naturopath to stimulate my immune system as much as possible and then just praying for a long life.
It’s both a scary and exciting place to be….
…..just trying not to get overwhelmed by the side effects of this treatment!
I’m currently in week 10 of Interferon treatment and it’s ghastly. Some days are manageable and others are not. I had to swallow my pride and ask my darling aunt to move in with us for a little while. On the bad days I just have to sleep.
The most difficult side effects to manage while looking after Miss S are fatigue (just read exhaustion!!!), headaches, nausea and a bit of brain fade. The rest I can work through relatively easily. It’s so irritating especially as Miss S is currently teething (about 5 teeth at once!), trying to toilet train and waking early again.
I almost can’t bring myself to write that in actual fact I’m in week 10 of 52!!!!! It seems so long away so I’m trying to create small milestones. We expect that our new house will be ready in about 6 weeks, around Easter time.
My goal for this week was to update here…so I can tick that off as DONE! I’ll try to keep writing when I can.
Have a great day…I’m off to bed!
Just to wish you all a fabulous day! It was delightful that my husband and little one came to visit. I was worried that she would hate to leave but she seemed fine (I’m too scared to ring and find out just in case!)
Well the treatment this week is much better. I’m able to keep the headache manageable with paracetemol and only have a sore mouth and upset tummy to contend with. The fatigue is pretty amazing however. I slept for 12 hours last night and 2 hours during the day today and will be heading off soon and it’s only 8.30pm.
Well I hope that wherever you are in the world, and whether or not you celebrate Christmas, that you have/had a fabulous day!
It’s Monday of the second week of treatment today and I feel much better than I did last week. I have a headache but not the chills that I did at this point last Monday. I’m starting to wonder if I could manage the train home each day????
The girls at the Peter Mac Chemotherapy Day Unit are fabulous. I was a bit flat when I was in there to day but they cheered me up nicely. Thanks girls, particularly KW. I see them each Monday. All of my other treatments are here at ‘home’. I have a PICC line now which is like a more permanent IV line. This means that for the next few weeks I do not have to have new IVs and also any blood tests are done through the line also.
Staying at my aunts has been wonderful. It’s so special to be cared for like this. I really miss my husband and little one but they will come up tomorrow for Christmas. To be honest I wasn’t sure that I really wanted them to come as it’s hard to say goodbye again, but it’s Christmas so its out of my hands really. It’s really, really hard to be away from home but I just keep thinking that it will all be over soon. The treament continues straight through Christmas Day and New Years Day so that means that this section will all be finished in four weeks. Yeah!
